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It has been so many years, yet I still can't seem to find a way to overcome my weakness. I guessed the first time I had ever felt that way when I was in standard two. It might be a small matter to my parents, but not for a mind of an 8 year old little girl. Instead of trying to get help, I gave in. It's a wonder that my parents still didn't find out. Though my weakness still occur from time to time, I feel that it is turning worse since I started college as I'm still going through it everyday, lying to myself as well as to my friends. I just want the whole thing to end soon! I'm getting tired and sick of doing this everyday. I seriously dunno why I can't just do the damn thing. It's not that hard, considering just 2 hours a day. Okay, more than 2.

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TnG card, handphone, and now my pendrive. Is someone cursing me or something? The TnG card, fine.. I can still accept it. My handphone, fine.. is my very last of losing something. My pendrive, I broke down. Maybe because no one ( as in family and friends ) was beside me that time, or maybe because I've been keeping everything to myself all the time. I was alone in college after LAN which was at 5pm. Most of them went back, and the rest played basketball. I wanted to blog in the lab, since I can nvr do it at home anymore. So, I hung around in college for awhile. That's when the time I realized my pendrive was gone. I knew where I left it, so I went back there. But clearly, it was gone. I was in a rush when I wanted to print my draft for English research. So i just set it into the side of the LCD screen, opened my file, printed it, and left the lab. That was the last time I saw it. Just yesterday my friend lost his, but for me, it sounded like a small matter. So no hard feelings WH. But somehow, only you can feel the pain if u are THE ONE losing it. No matter how hard the others tries to sympathize you, it's NO way they can really feel what you are actually feeling. I guessed that goes the same as my Chinese skill as well. I hate feeling like an outsider. While others can talk and laugh happily, I'll be the one feeling moody. Like I said, they do understand, yet it is just NOT them okay. I might be going a little overboard with this. Sweat.

So, back to just now. I went to a side corridor in my college, sat on the stairs, and bawled. I was crying like mad. I wasn't only thinking bout the pendrive, Yeah.. my updated research project and all my computer science assignments were in there. How the hell am I gonna get it back? But that didn't really concern me that much. It's more to what my parents had gone through to buy me one. Not just the money, but the effort to find the best one for me as well. I really owed my dad a lot. Failing my exams, buying unnecessary stuffs, studying in college, losing things and so on. Anywayz, a security guard saw me. I dunno why I said sorry but.. I rmb him saying "nvm nvm, you can stay here". He's so nice. Then I went back.. around 6.10pm. Haha.. I called jin as well. That's the only num I can rmb. Fyi, she forced me to, during secondary last time. I dunno what the hell I was crapping to her. I wanted to say so many things, but words just wouldn't come out.

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I regretted not saying something during Moral Studies. It's only once in a lifetime and I blew it. So wasted. Hahaha.